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This year represents a ten-year milestone since the term “ghosting” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the notion that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the decade since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more confounding – an oftentimes pointless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by online slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test inspired by a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's reply is interested or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing mystery and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to choosing someone who aids you proactively. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: utilizing communication, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks indicating a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits validate your decision to pursue a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly benign quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any feelings of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic display.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {