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The program for the John F. Kennedy Center in the nation's capital shows a playful bilingual performance and an ad-libbed theatrical company. Conspicuously missing from the public schedule is Friday's FIFA World Cup draw, presumably because it is a strictly private gathering. Organizers appear determined to keep out any unwanted attendees from showing up at what threatens to be an overly lengthy, self-congratulatory ceremony where well-paid celebrities will undoubtedly parrot the old cliche that "soccer brings together the world."

An A-List Crew

This glitzy event is set to be hosted by former model and TV host Heidi Klum and diminutive American comedian and actor Kevin Hart. Joining the star power will be American football legend Eli Manning on welcoming details and actor Danny Ramirez as a roaming reporter. Collectively, they will host a production that will certainly have English football fans who remember missing the halcyon, unpretentious days of Graham Taylor, FA officials, the FA tombola and a reliable velvet bag of wooden, lottery balls.

Slated to last the thick end of three grueling hours, the show will include a lengthy playlist of speechifying, overly sentimental video montages, pre-vetted gags, famous faces, musical turns from acts with either little shame or financial motivations, and then... finally, the actual World Cup draw.

Icons of Sport on Ceremony Duty

Among those helping to conducting the ceremony? Basketball legend Shaquille O'Neal, ice hockey great Wayne Gretzky, football quarterback legend Tom Brady and baseball star Aaron Judge, all selecting balls under the supervision of ex-footballer Rio Ferdinand. Considering the vast, untapped reservoir of personality possessed by these veteran sporting legends, barring an armed security team storming the event, it's difficult to imagine what could possibly go wrong.

Actually, very little, if the tone-deaf justification of FIFA's widely reported World Cup ticket price-gouging mounted by an obsequious English yes-man is any kind of indicator. Upon being questioned if tickets should be more accessible for average fans, the response was non-committal. "In my view we have to be conscious of that and I think FIFA are certainly people that are aware of that," was the statement. "But listen, I think we can look at every sector, every sector, we could have that discussion about things," it was noted. The suggestion appeared that high prices are acceptable when contrasted with other luxury goods.

The Football Business

With 42 nations already qualified for next summer's tournament and six more due to join, there will be a real feeling of excitement once the preliminaries conclude and the main draw begins. But as fans worldwide wait with great anticipation to see which three teams their particular country will face in the group stages, the anticipation pales in comparison to that which precedes the reveal of the recipient of FIFA's first-ever peace prize for "individuals who help unite people in peace through steadfast commitment and special deeds." Given that the draw is in the US capital and the World Cup is primarily in the US, speculation about the recipient are widespread, even if the clues are apparent.

"There's no concern at the moment. I was speaking to the chairman today. My relationship with him is very strong really. I have a truly transparent and frank relationship. So regarding my job in that sense I have absolutely no worries whatsoever" – a statement from a manager whose side on a five-game losing streak, offering a classic quote-that-will-definitely-get-resurfaced should a dismissal occur in the future.

Readers' Letters

• "Further to the mention of a possible club named Kevin... there is an exciting Brazilian winger named Kevin at Fulham who cost north of £30m. Perhaps Kevin could be persuaded to purchase a lower league club and bestow his name on it."
• "Going to local games in the 80s/90s, when the opponent was 'Keith', a common jest was: 'What, on his own?'"
• "I stopped reading after nine words. 'Comprised of'! Of what were you thinking? To comprise means to consist of. So to comprise of means to consist of of. The extra 'of' is as unnecessary as an additional referee."
• "Concern is growing ahead of FIFA's Global Tombola: just what catchy ditty will certain performers come up with if a certain individual remains on the stage, requiring an additional song?"