The Words from A Dad That Helped Us as a New Father

"I believe I was just just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

However the reality quickly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good place. You need assistance. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a wider failure to talk amongst men, who still absorb negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a sign of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to take a pause - going on a short trip abroad, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a family member, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their issues, changed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."